Help, I'm Alive
by factionofagirl
Summary: Tris didn't die after getting shot by David but he trapped and tortured her afterwards. Will she ever get out? What will happen when people find out she's alive? Mostly FourTris and rated M for some violence and rape.
1. Trapped

_**A/N: Love Divergent but sadly don't own it! Hope you enjoy, please R &R!**_

If I go through with this, I die. If I don't go through with this, we all die. That's the last thought I have before entering the Weapons Lab. I couldn't let Caleb go through with this out of guilt towards me and he would almost certainly die from the death serum. I walk into the lab, I'm weak and slightly dizzy from the serum release but I have a mission to complete. I know it. I look around the room and search for the green button that will stop the memory serum release. I find it and place my hand on it as I fall to the ground, breathing heavily and filled with exhaustion. I turn and try to will myself towards the exit but I'm too late. David enters the room, pistol in hand. I can't make out what he's saying. I take a deep breath and feel the pain of a bullet hit my ribs. I want to scream but I can't get enough air as it is. Blood floods the floor around me and every breath begins to hurt. I collapse and everything goes black.

I wake up in a sterile white room laying in a hospital bed. I don't recognize this place, it's not the bureau hospital because the room doesn't look like Uriah's room. Where am I? Where is everyone? My heart aches for Tobias, does he even know I'm alive? I take in my surroundings, I realize the bullet is gone but the pain in my ribs is still there. I swing my legs off the bed and stand, taking the IV pole and a mysterious bag of fluid hanging from it with me as I try to open the door in the room. I panic, not knowing where I am or how to get out.

I scream and cry but no one answers, I sit on the floor crying. Defeated. I stare at the door knob, wondering how this thing won't open and who locked me in here. The knob starts turning and I see an unfortunate, familiar face: David. He's up and walking again without his wheelchair. "Hello, Tris. You're up!" he says in despising way. "What do you want?" I ask him angrily. "Let's have a little chat and then I have some fun planned for you." I shove him into the door and hold my arm over his throat. "Let me out. Now!" I yell. He shoved me back surprisingly strong and pick me up. I kick and flail in his arms. He slams me down on the bed and holds me there as he fastens the restraints.

"You are never getting out! Do what I say or else." He orders. I just nod with tears brimming in my eyes. How did I get myself into this situation? How will I ever get out? "Do you feel guilty? Like, at all?" I say with my voice cracking and tears threatening to spill but I won't let him see me cry. I try to concentrate on my anger with him instead. "I don't have time to feel guilty. And neither do you." He says sternly, an angry darkness forming in his eyes. He goes the IV pole and turns the rate of the mysterious purple fluid on the pole up to the maximum rate. "This is serum and you're going to test a simulation for me." I scream no repeatedly until everything goes black, afraid of what another simulation will bring me.

When I open my eyes, I'm in a locked room with all my friends and family on the outside. I try to yell out to them but it's if they can't hear me. I can't open the door. I know this is a simulation so I try to think hard and manage to get a key. I pick it up off the floor and frantically try to use it to open the door until I hear a click and pull it open. I see my loved ones including Tobias for a few seconds; smiling and happy until they fade away. Next, I see David and Jeanine sitting at a table with a gun on the table. "Do it!" they both say and force the gun into my hand. David yanks the gun out of my hand and points it at my head. He shoots and I fall backwards onto the floor instantly. I wake up, panting as the sim ends. I'm still stuck in the bed with my hands and feet tied. David is gone for now and I slip into a dreamless sleep as I finally feel like effects of painkillers coarsening through my veins.


	2. Tortured

I wake up to some bright sunlight shining in from the small window beside my bed. I wish so much that I could just sit in the warm sun and be free of this place. I'm still restrained and I hate it. My stomach growls as I haven't eaten anything for a few days. David arrives and I beg him for food, anything at this point. He says I have to do something for him first and I reluctantly agree; unsure of what he wants from me. He climbs on my bed and forces himself on top of me. I know exactly what he wants now. I'm terrified as he holds me down. I scream. He covers my mouth and begins undressing me. I can't move with him on top of me and my arms and legs are useless. Tears fill my eyes and run down my cheeks. I feel completely helpless and terrified as he starts raping me. I can't resist, I can't fight back. I cry out and scream from the pain but he quickly silences me. He slams my head back and forth until I pass out.

I wake to David still on top of me and pain in my head and everywhere else. My vision is blurry and I must keep trying to remember where and who I am. David finally finishes and massive amounts of blood come out of me. My head feels fuzzy and the room feels like it's moving. David returns with a tray of food and tells me there is someone I know he'd like me to meet. It's Peter.

I try to grab the sheet at the end of the bed to cover myself but it's useless. Peter walks toward me and says, "Hey Stiff, you don't look half bad." I almost want to laugh but I don't. "Wat are you are you doing here?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. "I work for David now." I beg him to help me get out of here and he surprisingly agrees. He helps me get out of the bed and I get dressed quickly He gives me directions out of the bureau and wishes me luck. I run as fast as possible and stop to catch my breath briefly. I don't know what I'm going to do now but I am free. I'm dauntless. I'm divergent.

I can see the fence from here but I have no idea how I would even climb it. I think back to the Ferris wheel and think of how Four went with me then. I decide to try to climb it even if there is no one who can help catch me. I still have a long way to travel before I will reach the fence. It's hot and I tire easily but I'm determined to get home. I stop at about a half a mile from the fence as the sun goes down and the darkness begins to appear. I don't have a sleeping bag or anything so I find some soft ground and cover myself with the blanket I took from the bureau to hide myself. I lay on my back and stare at the moon and stars. My mind shifts back to Tobias and the unbelievable sense of longing I have. I fall asleep quickly but awaken from the nightmares I have filled with the horrors of the past few days. The early morning sun begins coming up with beautiful streaks of blue and orange. I run towards the fence as soon as possible and luckily find that it is open.

I walk straight into Abnegation and find it empty, barren with no one outside. It's strange how a place I once called home now feels like a foreign land. I'm too weak to jump onto a train right now so I decide to walk. It's long and I must stop frequently to catch my breath but then I finally see it and feel at home. It's Dauntless headquarters.


	3. Home

I walk straight into Dauntless and search for Tobias. People look at me and whisper amongst themselves. It's shocking to see someone you thought was dead, I guess. And then, I see him. Dressed in black, facing the Chasm. Eyes red and bloodshot like he's been crying but still the same Tobias. I walk up towards him and whisper his name. He turns around with his eyes wide and mouth open. "You're not real." He replies, "You're dead." "I was but I'm not." I say as I see the warmth in his deep blue eyes. "I don't understand, what happened?" I tell him about how I was trapped and escaped until something comes on all the televisions in the Pit. It's David.

"Hello citizens of Chicago, my name is David and I work for the Bureau of Genetic Welfare. You're all part of a genetic experiment. I need test subjects and in exchange, will provide you with food and housing. Tris Prior recently escaped from the Bureau, I know where you are and I am coming to get you soon." He says coldly. I start to panic, I can't go back. I can't do that again. I'm hyperventilating and my heart is racing. What am I going to do? What am I going to do? Tears slip past my lips as Tobias tries to calm me. The room starts spinning and the floor under my feet moves. My chest tightens and I can't breathe. I fall backward and hear a large smack before everything goes dark again.

I wake in a hospital bed, checking that I can move. A strong hand grips my free hand without the IV in it. I look over and see him hunched in an uncomfortable looking chair. _Tobias._ I whisper his name and he wakes up quickly afterwards. "What happened?" I ask, trying to piece everything together and I see a mixture of sadness and warmth in his eyes as he answers "David came on TV and threatened you. You panicked and fainted." I nod as he continues "Yu were also dehydrated and you have a concussion they said." He pauses and takes a deep breath as he says the next thing, his tone lowers and I notice it's hard for him to continue without his voice breaking, "Thy said they found evidence you were…" He stutters now but then gets enough force to say "…you were raped. Were you, Tris?" He asks me with a pained expression on his face, the sound of his voice tells me he's fighting back tears which makes my heart ache even more.

"Yes, yes I was." I say softly. I hadn't told him about earlier because I didn't want to cause him pain but he managed to find out anyway. We stay silent for a minute, both unsure of what to make of this. "I'm so, so sorry Tris, I'm sorry I left you, I'm sorry I didn't come back, I." That's when I stop him with a kiss, I feel his warmth and everything about him that I have missed. We break away and stay pressed to each other's foreheads for a moment. "I love you, Tris." He says staring into my eyes as we stay pressed close. "I love you too." I whisper back to him.

"I should call me nurse, they wanted to know more about what happened when you woke up and run more tests." He tells me in a matter of fact way. "Just don't leave me, please." I plead to him. "Never." He answers as the nurse enters the room. She asks me about what happened and I try my best to answer even though remembering is painful. She has tests she must run on me since I was raped. A rape kit so David can be charged for what he did and an STD and pregnancy test. I'm scared and worried it will hurt. Tobias stays with me like I asked and holds my hand as she does everything, running the fingers of his other hand through my hair and whispering calming things into my ear. I'm healthy and not pregnant luckily but I don't know how I'm ever going to feel normal again.

I have to stay in the hospital for a few more days so they can monitor my concussion. Tobias climbs in the bed with me and holds me as we both fall asleep.


	4. Pain

**A/N: Hey readers! Hope you're all having a great weekend. I'm enjoying writing this story so far and hope you are too, I'll try to keep updating as much as I can.**

It's been a week that I have been in the hospital and I should be headed home today. Tobias stirs in the bed next to me and opens his eyes. His lips brush against mine and then we lay holding each other and neither of us wanting to let go. We stay like that for what feels like forever until the nurse comes in to discharge me. Tobias goes to his apartment for a few minutes to get me some fresh clothes while I sign myself out. I carry a light paper bag of the pain medications given to me to take home and we walk hand in hand to his apartment.

"Sorry, it's such a mess in here." He says as he sounds disgusted with himself. "I don't mind. I don't mind where we sleep as long as it's with you." I answer back because it's true. After being away from him for so long, I really don't. Our lips meet again and I am lost in his lips and mine. It's our first real kiss since I got back, the kind that leaves you wanting to stay in it forever and leaves you wanting more. He tells me he has to go to work today since he's been off for a few days from the control room. Being alone with my mind seems like the worst thing ever right now. I'm still processing everything and it's not something I want to handle alone but I know he has to go.

I find a comfortable spot on the sofa and I lay back into it. "You can't just sit there all day!" he teases, smirking at me as he heads out the door. "I've done it before. Never underestimate my ability to be idle!" I smirk back at him as he's leaving, raising an eyebrow. He promises to be back around lunch time but I'm on my own until then. I should go visit Christina or something but I don't have the energy to answer all her questions that I'm sure site would have right now. Truthfully, it's easier to shut everyone and the world out right now. I'm not ready to handle getting back out into it yet. I doze off for a few hours and check the clock that reads 11:45, Tobias should be back about any minute now.

I get up off the couch and cry out in pain as I do. My back hurts terribly and my stomach cramps harder than I have ever felt it before. I'm scared. I'm alone. I don't know what is wrong but something must be very wrong right now. I head to the shower and that's when I notice the blood rushing out of me. It's massive and more than I have ever had during a period. I scream and look away but I am terrified. I get out and dress quickly, winching through the pain as I do. Tobias is opening the door with his keys that I hear jingle. I'm breathing heavily now from both the pain and panic. I'm laying on the bathroom floor now because I can't get up from when I was dressing earlier on the floor. He walks in and sees me laid flat on the floor. "Tris! What's wrong?!" he demands as he crouches near me. "It hurts." I answer softly as tears run down my cheeks. "I don't know what's wrong, my back and my stomach cramps like I've never felt before and I'm bleeding…" my voice trails off as he scoops me up off the floor and begins to carry me back towards the hospital.

On the way there, I'm still crying from fear and from the pain. He whispers to me to stay with him, that we are going to be okay and then as I am fighting just to stay awake something surprising. "You need a look forward to, a reason to fight. If we survive through everything, will you marry me? "he whispers into my ear and I give a small yes right before I slip back into the darkness. I wake up in a room similar to the one I stayed in before. Tobias is asleep, slumped over in a chair next to the bed with his hand in mine and eyes that are red and puffy. He looks as though he has been crying, my heart aches to see him ever in pain like this especially from me. I want to know what made him cry but I don't at the same time either. I suck in a breath, trying to prepare myself from what could be wrong before I whisper his name to awaken him.

He slowly holds his head up and opens his eyes to look at me. I ask him what is going on and I am instantly taken aback by his answer. It was a miscarriage.


	5. Hurt

**A/N: Hey readers! Hope you are well. I tried to make this chapter longer and will try to make the next chapters longer too. As always, I don't own Divergent or any of its characters. Enjoy and please review!**

Miscarriage? I want to scream from the shock I'm feeling as thoughts run like crazy in my mind. _David got me pregnant? Why do things like this keep happening to me?_ Tears run down my cheeks as Tobias keeps a steady grip on my hand and shushes me as I sob while I sob, wiping away the tears. "It's not fair." I whisper softly. "It's not but I love you so much." He answers back to me. "I don't deserve you, you don't have to love me." I say back as tears fill my eyes while looking into his. I can't bear to keep causing him pain and that's all I have managed to do. "I can't keep doing these things to you, it's not fair even if you love me." A look of anguish washes over my face and my eyes feel swollen from crying as I stare back at him as he says in a low voice "But I do."

"I hope you never regret me." I say flatly. "I love you, Tris." He kisses my hand with a pleading in his eyes. "Why?" I ask as I look up at him with more tears filling my already swollen eyes, "Bt why? Why would you love me?" He tightens his grip, pulling me closer gently to his chest where I close my eyes and bury my face. "There are no words. None. That can describe the feeling when I'm with you. I want to take on the world with you, Tris. Hand in hand. You and me. Today. Tomorrow. Forever." he kisses my forehead as he says the last sentence to me quietly. It makes me love him even more with every word. I murmur that I love him while still lying comfortably on his chest. My eyes flutter until I fall asleep.

 _Tobias and I are alone at his apartment when David appears out of nowhere. He's holding a gun which is pointed at Tobias. He's shielding me from David, David hisses at him to move but Tobias refuses and then David shoots him square in the chest and he collapses onto the floor._ I wake up screaming afterward from this night and look around the room to make sure Tobias is in fact still alive, unharmed. I'm drenched in sweat and trying to catch my breath, Tobias comes near me and asks "Nightmare?" I can't find it in me to speak so I just nod and he holds me close to him so I can relax.

There's a knock on the door from the nurse who gives us the forms I sign so we can leave. I'm relieved to be going home, hoping to have my life begin to return to normal soon. I rest on Tobias' couch cuddled next to him until dinner time. I haven't been going out to the cafeteria for meals but Tobias insists we go and catch up with our friends. I do want to catch up with Christina especially but I'm nervous about what questions everyone will have. He drags me to the cafeteria and we sit at our usual table joined by Christina, Uriah, Shauna and Zeke.

"Hey stranger!" Christina exclaims at me. "I thought you were dead." she continues, giggling. I laugh halfheartedly at her, trying to figure out if I am annoyed or amused. "Yeah, well it didn't stick obviously." I reply back with a half smile. "It's so good to have you back girl! We need to go shopping like old times again soon." she beams, Uriah shakes his head and mumbles "Oh brother." in return as Christina begins rambling on about what has happened in her life since I've been gone. She and Uriah are together now, she works in the tattoo parlor now and trains initiates when they are here. Shauna and Zeke are still together and Shauna is working on physical therapy so she may be able to walk again soon if everything goes as hoped.

It's good to be back home with my friends. It's where I fit in, it's where I feel like I belong. Home.

After dinner, we head home and settle in for the night. It's late and we are just about to go to bed when there is a knock at the door. I open it expecting it to be Christina or another one of my friends but it's not. It's someone much worse than I expected: David.

Tobias calls my name and makes his way to the living room where I am standing with David in the doorway. He shoves his way past me and stands in the middle of the room. He grabs something from his pocket, it's a gun that's pointed toward Tobias just like in my nightmare. I stand between them and tell him to go away, get out of here with my eyes closed to try to avoid some of the panic I'm feeling. That's when I hear gunshots go off and Tobias groan.

I rush right over to Tobias who collapses to the ground immediately. He's bleeding. I can't believe this is happening. _Why isn't this a nightmare I can wake up from?_ I think. "Tobias?!" I say as my voice trembles "No, don't leave me. Don't leave me like everyone else. I need you, please stay!" He's lying in a pool of blood that is rapidly increasing, barely conscious but enough to whisper out "I'm with you...Always." before his eyes close. David has been watching us the whole time and throws a strong grip from behind me. He pins me against the wall and tries to unbutton my pants but I bite his hand and wiggle my way free. He has the gun back in his pocket so I manage to grab it and shoot him straight in the heart. I run as fast as I can to the pit to find help for Tobias and find Christina nearby.

"Help!" I yell as I run in her direction. She opens her mouth to speak as I say "It's David, he shot Tobias!" She gathers Uriah and Zeke from nearby and recruits them to get David and carry Tobias to the hospital. I follow them as they carry him and hope he will be okay. _Please be okay, please be okay._ I think repeatedly in my head as I wait to see what will happen from here.


	6. Dauntless?

**A/N: Hey readers! Here's some nice FourTris fluff for y'all. Could someone please leave me a review? Just even to tell me if it sucks? It would be greatly appreciated if so! As always, I don't own Divergent or any of its characters, just having fun. Enjoy!**

I join everyone at breakfast the next day when Uriah and Zeke announce that tonight they're hosting some games and they invite us to join them. We arrive at Uriah and Christina's apartment just as the fun is about to begin where Zeke, Shauna, Uriah and Christina are sitting. There are several bottles of alcohol on the counter and six shot glasses nearby.

"We're going to play 'Never Have I Ever' and if you have done any of these things, you have to drink a shot!" Christina announces loudly to everyone. I'm nervous because I have never had a drink; coming from Abnegation where the consumption of alcohol isn't tolerated.

Christina starts up off by saying "Never have I ever injured myself to impress someone I was interested in." I look around the room and see almost everyone take a drink as I down one myself. It burns but I like it. Uriah is the next person to say something and snickers a bit when he says "Nevr have I ever been in handcuffs." Tobias and I exchange glances and down a shot.

Shauna speaks next and says "Never have I ever tried to cut my own hair." I take a third shot and begin to feel buzzed. The ground feels like it's moving under my feet a bit and I struggle to keep some of my balance. Zeke is next and he quips "Never have I ever broken a bone." I sigh as I take another shot.

Tobias stands up and offers "Never have I ever broken a promise." I down one more shot and then I fall onto the floor unceremoniously. He laughs and decides to take me home because I can't stand or speak normally any longer. He half drags, half carries me back to the apartment. "Yu look so hot." I slur to him. He chuckles and smiles back at me as he eases me onto the bed. I kiss him softly and say good night, drifting off to sleep almost immediately.

I'm awaken the next day by an uncomfortable pounding in my head and nausea that immediately makes me run to the bathroom. Tobias holds my hair back as I retch and gently rubs my back.

"Rough night?" he asks and I nod as I wipe off my mouth. "What happened when I was you know…" I trail off and a slight smile and giggle reaches his lips. "Drunk? Nothing really but you told me I look hot." he chuckles. "Well, it is true." he raises an eyebrow and strikes a sexy pose by the door. "We have a leader's meeting this afternoon and then I thought maybe we could go on a date after, I already have something planned for us." he winks. I smile and say yes, I love him so much.

I make it home after the meeting to prepare for the date where Christina is already waiting for me. She does my hair and makeup as I slip into the short, black dress she bought me during initiation. She finishes with me a few minutes before the date is so I head to the pit where Tobias said to meet him. We meet up and take the train to nice grassy area in the park where he sets out a blanket and a picnic basket. The sun is just beginning to set with beautiful streaks of orange and light pink as we settle comfortably on the blanket.

We pull out food from the basket and eat as I feel a gentle breeze and take in the sights of the gorgeous sunset. I finish eating and Four grabs something out of his pants pocket and grabs my hand. I'm confused for a moment as he says "Take my hand." "Why?" I asked him curiously. "I trying to ask you to marry me, so take my damn hand!" he laughs as he says it and I spin around to see him crouched on one knee as he opens a small box and reveals a ring. "Wha-?" I ask as he says "So, Tris. Will you marry me?"

This is not what I expected when he invited me to a picnic in the park. I nod yes, of course as tears of happiness run down my cheeks and giddiness flows over me.


	7. Amity and Amore

**A/N: Hey readers! Here's some more FourTris fluff, hope you enjoy! As always, I don't own Divergent or any of its character. The song lyrics in italics are from the song "The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice.**

I'm still giddy with excitement as we head home, thinking of what our married life will be like. I want to wait a year until I'm eighteen to actually get married but that doesn't mean we can't already start planning it. I can't wait to be Mrs. Eaton, to be his forever. I hold his hand as we sit on the couch staring at my ring in amazement.

"It's beautiful." I mumble softly. "No, you are. You are more." he replies. "You gotta stop doing that." I giggle at him. "What?" he says half puzzled and half amused. "Saying things that make me want to kiss you." I smirk and he responds with a laugh "No, I can't do that." Our lips meet and I breathe in his warmth, not wanting to let him go. It's the kind of kiss that leaves me longing for more. "I love you." I whisper.

The months leading up to the wedding go by quickly, we've chosen to have the wedding in Amity in the fall. I want to see the beautiful fall colors amongst the orchard trees, to breathe in the chill and the warmth of the season.

Christina drags me to shop for a wedding dress and bridesmaid's dresses, bringing Shauna along with her while Tobias goes tuxedo shopping with the boys. I try on several dresses until I find the right one which I fall in love with immediately. It's a lacy, short sleeve ivory dress with a skirt that falls at my ankles. I'm not girly but I love it nonetheless. "You look like a girl now, a beautiful one!" Christina beams. I choose some white heels with straps, pearl necklace and a deep burgundy color for the bridesmaids' dresses. They're a V-neck with a pretty, loose flowy skirt.

Christina helps me to pick out the decorations, flowers and cake for the wedding later back at the apartment. We choose bouquets filled with fresh autumn sunflowers, roses, dahlia and baby's breath. I never realized how much planning weddings take! We choose lanterns to hang from the trees as well as white string lights for the reception area and a simple white Dauntless cake with white and burgundy roses. Everything seems to be set but I'm sad to be walking down the aisle without my father. I wonder what my parents would think; what it would be like with them there but I try not to think about it too much. Caleb offered to walk me instead and even though our relationship is still strained, I'm happy that I will have at least one member of the family at my wedding.

The big day comes and I start to become nervous as Christina helps me get ready; preparing a small braid and flower in my hair. "Nervus?" she asks curiously and I answer that I'm nervous for the wedding but I love him so much which I try to hang onto to help my nerves. I finish getting ready and find Caleb outside the door waiting for me. I take a deep breath and blow it out, ready for better or for worse.

I walk outside with Caleb linked to my arm, the scenery is breathtaking. The trees show leaves of beautiful shades of bright orange and crimson, the lanterns from the trees add to the magical feel. Johanna is standing at the end of the aisle in front of the tree with Tobias and our friends as Caleb leads me down the aisle. We exchange traditional vows as he slides a ring on my finger and I slip one of his before I pull him into a deeply passionate kiss. The night is amazing with the smell of autumn leaves and fresh fruit from the trees. I am officially Mrs. Eaton, not fully believing all of this is real yet. We head to a small rustic wooden barn for the reception. I throw the bouquet and Christina catches it.

Tobias and I smile at each other as we cut the cake. I shove a piece right into his face and laugh as frosting and bits of cake cover his face. "Oh no, you asked for it!" he shouts as he does the same to me. We are both such a mess that I find it hilarious and laugh wildly.

The song for our first dance begins shortly after and I rest my head on his shoulder as we dance slowly as the lyrics play.

 _And so it is just like you said it would be_

 _Life goes easy on me_

 _Most of the time_

 _And so it is the shorter story_

 _No love, no glory_

 _No hero in her sky_

I take in his smell of lovely cologne that smells like fresh pine and citrus. I whisper I love you into his neck, feeling his warmth and strength. His kisses me back on the cheek and whispers "I love you" back as we continue dancing, locked in each other's arms.

 _I can't take my eyes off you_

 _I can't take my eyes off you_

 _I can't take my eyes off you_

 _I can't take my eyes off you_

 _I can't take my eyes off you_

 _I can't take my eyes_

The music is perfect for a cool, romantic night. I don't think it could be any more perfect in such a wonderful place with the love of my life. I'm so lucky to have him...

 _And so it is, he has_

 _Just like you said, it should be_

 _We'll both forget the breeze_

 _Most of the time_

 _And so it is, he has_

 _The colder water_

 _The blower's daughter_

 _The pupil in denial_


	8. Love

_**A/N: Hey readers, hope you're enjoying this story. This chapter has some fluff and angst. Note that it includes mature sexual content. Enjoy!**_

When the reception is over, Tobias and I head to the cabin where we're staying at in Amity during our honeymoon. It's dark and late but we cannot break from where we've been kissing each other. His taste is intoxicating, irresistible. His scent is so good that I find myself trapped in his warmth, his arms. I pull his jacket off as we continue kissing, unable to get enough of each other and he begins unzipping my dress. I remove his shirt as he takes my arms out of my dress leaving me only in my bra and underwear. He quickly removes his pants and shoes as I slip off my heels. We breathe heavily as our lips brush and I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Tris, do you want more?" he asks and I nod, locking eyes with him as I begin to remove his boxers and he grabs my underwear until we are both completely naked. "You sure you're ready?" he asks between kisses and I nod again. I want him, I want this. We make our way to the bedroom where I lean against the bedpost as we kiss and both flop onto the bed together. We lay side by side as we make out and he thrusts himself inside me. I kiss his neck as we move through each other. "You're beautiful, Tris. I love you so much." he whispers as he moves to be on top of me as we both pant, lost in each other. I feel the weight of his body on me and begin screaming "No!" and breathing heavily. His face changes and it's no longer Tobias, it's David holding me down as he forces himself on me.

"No!" I yell as tears roll down my cheeks, I tremble as I fight my way back to reality. Tobias calls my name repeatedly as I continue screaming, crying and shaking as he says my name. "What is it? What's wrong, Tris?" he says sympathetically while holding my hand in his. "David." is all I manage to choke out between sobs. "Flashback?" he asks and I nod timidly. I walk shakily to the bathroom and put on the nightgown I packed then sink down to the floor so that I am sitting against the door.

I continue sobbing as Tobias pleads with me to open the door. I love him so much that I don't understand why I can't just be normal. I just want to be normal, please just be normal because I can't give him the love he deserves from me otherwise. I sob until my breathing slows and I fall asleep on the bathroom rug.

When I wake, I find myself in bed next to me. My eyes feel irritated and swollen from last night and I feel the urge to run away, to be alone because I feel crazy and I don't want to put him through all of that but I have nowhere to run. I whisper his name as a stray tear runs down my cheek. "Tris." he breathes "Are you okay? I was really worried about you last night, do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head no but I know it's not true. I'm not really okay, I don't know if I will ever really be okay but I don't tell him. I don't say anything, I can't or else he'll think I am crazy. Maybe even I think I'm crazy, I don't know exactly.

We decide to take a stroll through the amity orchards and bask in the warm sun. It's beautiful. The apple trees are filled with ripe apples, the oak and maples trees have bright leaves with shades of yellow, orange and crimson. A crisp autumn breeze blows softly as the leaves crunch under our feet. It's nice distraction for me but I'm still a bit shaken from last night, I don't know what to make of it.

The sun begins to set so we head back to the cabin we're staying in. As we reach the door, Tobias stops me and murmurs that I have spoken barely a word all day. I try to tell him that I'm just tired, that's all but the look in his eyes tells me he's not convinced. I suck in a breath as we head inside where he sits at the kitchen table, looking at me expectantly.

I sit and try to keep my composure as I speak. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what's wrong with my head, maybe I'm going crazy. I don't deserve you though and you deserve someone so much better than me! Someone not crazy, someone who can fully love you and give you everything, someone who doesn't have nightmares or flashbacks or whatever the hell is wrong with me. Not me!" my voice cracks at the last sentence as tears begin to run down my cheeks and I look away from him, feeling weak and embarrassed. He brushes away my tears and says "Tris, I love you. I don't want anyone else. I'll always be here for you. I'll fight the nightmares if they come to you with my bare hands obviously." he says with a slight smile and I smile a little too.

A few days later, I work up the courage to try to be intimate with him again; to feel so close to him again, to love him. We go slower this time, kissing as he holds my face in his hands then he pulls me closer to him while we pant and rest our foreheads on each other. He backs me up against the wall which I lean on as he holds both my wrists and then holds one arm above my head, brushing some stray hairs out of my face with his free hand. We stare intently at each other as we continue to kiss, he uses his knees to gently spread my legs apart as I throw both arms up against the wall.

I let out a small whimper as we begin undressing each other, he runs his hands through my hair and down my spine. He holds my waist as we heed into the bedroom, completely lost in each other. We lay side by side, kissing and caressing each other. He whispers to me "Ready?" and I nod, feeling him thrust his way in and out of me as I take in all of him; tasting the warm sweetness of his lips, the warmth of his body as we breathe heavily and moan. We sleep wrapped in each other's arms; together and whole.


	9. Early

Six Weeks Later

Tobias and I enjoyed the rest of our honeymoon but now we are back to our everyday lives in Dauntless. Tobias has still been working in the control room and I have to go to leaders' meetings with him sometimes but lately I've staying home. I've been very nauseous and tired lately. Certain strong smells like coffee or fish make me feel sick and my period has been late, I'm scared that I might be pregnant and I don't know how Tobias would react.

I haven't seen Christina in awhile so I decide to head to her apartment to her. Uriah is also at work so it's just the two of us which is perfect for girl talk and all. "Hey!" she greets me warmly, enveloping me in a hug. A sly smile covers her face as she says "Where have you been? With Four, doing a little addition, multiplication?" I laugh as I utter "Maye. I need your help though." "Sure, anything." she replies back, my voice trembles as I say "I think I might be pregnant but I don't know yet."

"Let go find out!" she quips, leading me to the infirmary where they draw and test my blood. The wait for the results is torture as my mind floods itself with possibilities. Anne, the nurse who took care of Tobias, greets me in the waiting room to announce that I am indeed pregnant. My mouth opens in shock as the rest of my body freezes for a moment. I'm stunned and don't know what to say so I just sit there paralyzed for a few minutes as the tells me that I'm about six weeks pregnant and should be due in July.

Christina rushes off to head home to meet Uriah who is coming home from work like Tobias is. I sit on the couch and try to contemplate how to tell Tobias. Will he be angry? Excited? I don't know. He starts to turn the knob to come in as my heart begins racing and my palms sweat. "Hey Tris, how are you?" he says nonchalantly, smiling. "Good." I gulp as I reply."I-I'm...I'm p-p-p." I begin to stutter out as he raises an eyebrow. "You're what?" he asks and I finally whisper out the word "Pregnant."

"You're pregnant? That's wonderful, we're going to have a baby!" he beams with a huge ear to ear smile on his face as he kisses me, brushing his lips to mine. "I'm about six weeks and I'm due in July." We spend the rest of the night excitedly talking about names and the gender and what we want our child to be like.

Months pass until spring and I am six months pregnant as the new initiates arrive. We found out that we're having a girl. We're going to name her Victoria and have her middle name be Natalie, after my mom. Today is my baby shower and tomorrow we begin training the initiates. Shauna, Christina and the boys have organized and decided to throw the shower for me, complete with a Dauntless cake adorned with pink frosting and Victoria written on it. I begin to open presents at their urging. Christina and Uriah give me some frilly dresses and onesies that have cute little sayings like "Mommy's Little Dauntless" and "Daddy's Little Girl",

Shauna and Zeke gift us some toys and books, I head for the cake shortly after and eat two pieces. I've been craving sweets lately and eating a lot of cake to fill my cravings. The shower is a blast and we head home a few hours later. I sit on the couch, exhausted as Tobias rubs my feet before bed. I'm so tired that I fall asleep almost instantly and wake in the morning to Tobias calling my name.

I rise quickly and get dressed then head with him to the training room. We demonstrate some fighting techniques and then watch as the trainees practice them. The weeks pass quickly as we almost get to the end of training. Tonight is Capture the Flag with Tobias leading the boys' team and the girls on mine. I decide to climb the ferris wheel again with one of the trainees, Melody, behind me for guidance. My footing is shaky and my breathe trembles, I start climbing down and a sudden, sharp pain hits my stomach. A gush of warm liquid runs down my legs as the pain intensifies and spreads to my back as well. It knocks me down to where I'm sitting on the street, doubled over in pain.

I instruct Melody to get Tobias right away through gritted teeth, something is very wrong. "Wha wrong?" he trembles as a look of fear fills his eyes. "Something, ow! Isn't right with the baby, I don't know what's going on but it hurts." I cry out as another wave of pain wracks my body. He scoops me up and carries me bridal style to the hospital where he sets me down gently on the bed. I'm hooked up to monitors and an IV in my hand. I'm in labor. I panic because I'm only about seven months pregnant. It's too early, it can't be right. No, no. Please no.

The doctor give me drugs to try to stop my labor but if isn't working. Tobias stays by my side the whole time as I scream and cry from the pain. "I hate you!" I yell out at Tobias, he responds with a half smile, half look of sympathy "Why? I'm lovely " as he brushes a few stray hairs from my face. I grit my teeth as another contraction fills my body, "Just, take a deep breath or something!" he calls out. "TAKE A DEEP BREATH?! It feels like my insides are being RIPPED OUT!" I yell out in response to him.

I am finally far enough in labor that I can get an epidural. I'm scared of big needles generally but for now, I don't care. Tobias holds me up next to him as the needle strings as it goes in but I feel relief quickly and my body relaxes. He lays next to me as we hold hands and I fall asleep for a few hours until I'm awakened to find that it's time for Victoria to make her entrance to the world. Tobias holds my hand which I hold with a death grip as I push and then; before I know it, she's here.

She's tiny and only about two pounds. I only see her briefly as they insert a breathing tube then transfer to a small clear box and whisk her away. My eyes brim with tears as I see her. This wasn't supposed to happen. It's too early, I'm scared and heartbroken for her at the same time. I'm stuck in bed right now so I can't go see her yet either but Tobias leaves to see her and returns a few minutes later. We hold each other close for a while silently, neither one of us ready to talk about anything. Too much shock and too much sadness has filled the room.


	10. Fears and the NICU

_**A/N: Hey readers! Hope your well, this chapter covers some violence so you've been warned. I wanted to include some stuff in here about premature babies and the NICU because it's important and talked about enough in my opinion. Did you know that the United States has the highest rate of premature birth and that 1 in 10 babies born in the U.S. is premature (born less than 37 weeks old)? Many also will have long term health consequences like delayed development, physical and mental disabilities and more. Anyway, it never hurts to learn more about issues like this I think and I based a lot of this chapter about what 28 week preemies and their go through so enjoy!**_

A few days later, I'm released from the hospital and try to go back to normal life while visiting Victoria as much as possible. The initiates are in their final week of training which means doing simulations daily. I don't pay much attention to them though, distracted by my thoughts. All I can think about is my baby, how fragile she looks now and how guilty I feel about it.

Tobias finds me shortly after we finish training the initiates and suggests that I try my fear simulation to see if anything has changed especially since I have gotten over my fear of intimacy. I agree to try it reluctantly as he pushes a syringe of cold liquid into my neck, gulping as the room fades away. I'm in the field with the crows again first; this one is easy because I learned to conquer it in initiation. I concentrate hard and find a gun in my hand so I shoot the crows and move on.

The next simulation makes me panic. It's David, holding a gun and standing over Tobias' limp and lifeless body. I check Tobias' pulse and find nothing. I grab David's gun swiftly and shoot him then begin to breathe heavily. I just want this sim to be over already but it's not. I move on to a sim where I see Victoria. Her heart and breathing stop and the doctors can't revive her. My eyes widen. It's not real but it feels real anyway. I watch as her body goes pale and stiff, the medical staff push me away from being able to touch or hold her and I begin to sob before everything fades away from me.

The fourth simulation involves my family, even if it's not real I'm comforted by seeing my parents momentarily. This time it's Caleb that points the gun at them, he won't listen to my pleas. I jump in front of my parents to shield them and the bullets he fires hit me instead. I'm completely unprepared for what the next sim brings me.

It's David again. He slams me onto a bed and pins me so that I can't throw him off. He begins trying to remove my clothes, his hand on the button for my jeans. I can't move or figure out how to get him off me so I close my eyes and think hard. Tobias appears and slams David off of me and onto a wall where he holds his shoulders and puts one hand around his throat. I wake up, drenched in sweat and throw my upper body up immediately. I pant as I try to calm myself from what I just experienced.

Tobias wipes some of the sweat from my brow as he whispers soothing words to me. "It's okay, I'm here. I'll stay right here, okay? Just breathe." he mumbles to me. "You were dead and Victoria…" my voice trembles and breaks and tears begin to fill my eyes and I sob into his chest. "I know, I'm so sorry. I saw everything, I should have never…" his voice trails off as I raise a finger to his lips and shush him. "Bu I promise, you're not going to lose me. I love you." I pull him in and are lips meet, taking in his warmth and not wanting for it to end.

Victoria has been in the NICU for about a week now and seems to be getting stronger every day. The doctors say she is a fighter. They remove the tube from her throat and instead put her on a machine with a mask that fits in her tiny nose. Tobias and I are relaxing in a chair next to her bed when an alarm suddenly starts going off. She isn't breathing. I jump out of the chair and spring onto my feet, panicked and not knowing what to do. A flood of doctors and nurse run over to her, talking and moving frantically. Tobias holds me as I cover my mouth with my hand and sob as I watch the flurry of activity that is going on.

They finish and she is breathing again, this time with some oxygen. I let out a breath that I didn't realize I had been holding and sit down. "That was so scary!" my voice quakes as Tobias nods and reaches for my hand. "What if she doesn't make it?" I cry and I see my own worry reflected in his eyes. "She will. She's a fighter, remember? If she has even half of your strength, she'll be okay. She's like you tough and strong." he whispers back to me as I rest my head on his chest.

The next week brings another frightening turn of events too. The doctors find that Victoria has a small hole in her heart _**(A/N: In real life, this is called a**_ _ **Patent ductus arteriosus (PDA) which is a small hole in the heart that usually closes normally in newborns but sometimes doesn't in preemies)**_ and she needs surgery to fix it right away because she's having trouble breathing from it. Tobias is my rock, he has always been my rock. The strong one as I began to crumble from this news.

She's been through so much and still seems so tiny and fragile. I can't imagine them cutting into her little chest and operating on her tiny chest, we say goodbye to her as they take her to surgery and wait. The waiting feels like torture, each minute like a second passing by. They bring her back and she's still asleep from the medicine. She wakes up several hours later and cries loudly as though she's in pain. I ache to hold her, to comfort her but I can't. It's a helpless feeling to see my child in pain and not be able to do anything about it. They give her medicine for the pain quickly though much to my relief and she quiets and closes her eyes.

A few days later they insert a tube into her stomach which they feed her some of my breastmilk from. The best news comes though the day we are allowed to hold her. We're only allowed an hour so Tobias and I split the time with her, each amazed by her tiny fingers and everything. She starts to gain weight and breathe only with some oxygen much to our delight. A few weeks later, she starts drinking from a bottle slowly and unsure at first and she breathes without oxygen. We are told she can come home in a couple of days so Tobias and I go home to try to get everything ready. We have to put together a crib, get smaller diapers and clothes, there's so much to do all of the sudden now but it's happening, it's really happening. Victoria is coming home!

Christina helps me shop for baby clothes and supplies even though I usually hate shopping but this time I'm excited to. We finally find several outfits and finish her room, Tobias beams "Everything is ready, now we just need our baby home!" I carry her back to our apartment, never wanting to let go again.


	11. Epilogue

_**A/N: Hey readers! Thank you for reading my story and I hope you enjoyed it. This is the last chapter for this story but I might write a sequel where the kids chose their faction, etc. but we'll see. Also note that most preemies catch up to their peers developmentally by about age 2. Development must be measured by a premature child's adjusted age (age in years or months they have been alive minus the months they were born early).**_

Epilogue

 **One year later**

It's Victoria's first birthday today which seems amazing considering the way she entered this world. Looking at her, it's hard to believe she was ever so tiny. She's starting to learn how to walk if she can grip something as she does and talk a bit. I love watching her grow up as she's become a fierce, determined little person. Tobias and I are setting up decorations for the party and our friends will be here soon.

Christina and Uriah are the first to arrive and they play with Victoria as we finish prepping for the party. I set out drinks and prepare a birthday candle on the cake as Shauna and the others arrive. I carry Victoria to her high chair and bring the her small cake over with the candle lit. We all sing happy birthday and I help her blow out the candle. It isn't long before she starts eating handfuls of cake which leave huge smears of frosting on her face. She giggles. We eat some of the larger cake for us and chatter away as we watch Victoria with amusement.

"Who knew cake could be so much fun?" jokes Christina. "I can't believe she's one already!" I beam, watching Victoria with her cake. "Me neither." Tobias adds. I have a secret I haven't told anyone yet as I wanted to wait for everyone to be here. I can't hold it in anymore and my lips spill it. "I'm pregnant!" I burst out as everyone stares at me for a moment. Everyone stares at me in shock for a moment until Tobias finally speaks and says "Yu're what?" with some surprise in his voice. "Pregant." I say in a barely audible whisper. He holds me close in a hug for a moment and whispers "I love you" in my ear. We break apart as Victoria and our guests have finished their cake.

"So Four, it looks like you've been doing a little addition and multiplying." Christina says with a wide grin on her face. We all laugh. "You never fail to make a joke, do you Chrissy?" Uriah replies. "Call me Chrissy again and I will kill you!" she shouts back at him. I clean up Victoria and set her down on the floor as we all sit around and wait to watch her open presents. Everyone wants to have her open theirs first. She tears them open aggressively and doesn't pay much attention to what's inside, she just likes tearing the paper.

Christina and Uriah give her a small train with blocks that stack on it. "Maybe she'll get used to the train early!" Christina chimes. "Or be Erudite." Shauna smirks as Victoria opens her and Zeke's present of colorful blocks and books. "Or Dauntless." Tobias says as Victoria opens the small pink ride on toy vehicle we gave her. I love her so much and I can't wait to see what the future holds for her, who she will be.

 **Five years later**

Tobias and I watch as our kids play in the sand of the beach near Amity. Victoria is six now and her brother Andrew is five. She has light blonde hair and Tobias' deep blue eyes and his nose. Andrew has Tobias' chestnut brown hair and my brown eyes. Victoria has my stubbornness and Andrew has Tobias' sweetness. I don't know what the future holds for all of us but I do know one thing: whatever we go through, we deal with together. We're a family. We are one.


End file.
